Uh Oh! Did I Do That?
The movie, LOVE STORY, from the 1970s had a very famous line in it that said: “Love means never having to say you are sorry.” Nothing could be further from the truth!
Here are 10 WAYS to HELP HEAL a HEART YOU'VE BROKEN:
1. YOUR SPOUSE IS WRESTLING WITH TWO EMOTIONS: JUSTICE or MERCY. YOUR ACTIONS WILL BE THE TIPPING POINT
When there is no heartfelt apology, justice can elevate to revenge
Healing happens when your sincerity for change tips your spouse toward mercy and reconciliation.
2. DON’T STAB YOUR SPOUSE EMOTIONALLY AND THEN SET BOUNDARIES FOR WHERE THE BLOOD CAN FLY
Do not put time limits on how long they can hurt
Do not make them feel guilt for not trusting you right away
Do not give a timeline for when they should feel safe again
Do not place guilt on them when they feel surges of pain
3. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE ADOPTED A “POSTURE OF APOLOGY”
You have genuine remorse
You have heartfelt repentance
Repent = to change your mind
You have humbly requested forgiveness
4. TRIAGE THE PAIN ASSOCIATED WITH THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR WRONG DOING
Don’t abandon your spouse’s pain in order to go and deal with your own.
It may be painful for you to listen to how deeply you have wounded your mate, but listen anyway.
Distrust, sadness, fears, shame, anger, sadness, confusion, shock, and other emotions are often the byproduct of emotional wounding. Be sensitive and present as a sounding board throughout the process.
Your spouse may need to express their pain regularly and at random times. Ride the waves of emotional ups and downs rather than jump ship and save yourself.
5. BE AN OPEN BOOK
Over inform rather than under inform
Be so transparent until your spouse will retire their detective gear
6. SELF EXAMINE WHERE AND HOW THE LEVIES OF YOUR LIFE BECAME WEAKEND
You must be determined to strengthen your boundaries
You must address the iniquities of your past
Determine that your fortress will be built on the indestructible, inpenatrable Word of God.
7. PRAY FOR WISDOM, DIRECTION, SENSITIVITY AND PATIENCE
There is nothing as powerful as prayer to change a situation
Use the wisdom of the Holy Spirit to help you make right choices
Use the Word of God to develop love, sensitivity and patience for your spouse
8. LET YOUR ACTIONS OF LOVE SPEAK LOUDER THAN YOUR WORDS
Listen attentively to the needs of your spouse and set out to do what it takes for rebuilding
9. KEEP YOUR PROMISES AND BE CONSISTENT IN YOUR ACTIONS
Every unbroken promise leaves behind a brick. That brick is used to build a wall of protection for the wounded person’s heart
10. PRIORITIZE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Invest your time, effort, finances, and our emotions into your relationship on a daily basis
Your spouse must know that he/she is of the highest priority in your life by your daily actions
Never allow another person or thing meet an emotional need that is designated for your spouse
Nourish intimacy outside of the bedroom