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7 Questions to Ask BEFORE an Argument

A disagreement with your mate doesn't have to be World War III. Read the 7 Questions to Ask Yourself BEFORE an Argument and learn how to disagree PEACEFULLY.

 

  

Can two walk together, except they be agreed? Amos 3:3

 

Marriage is all about the oneness. Satan comes to divide and conquer.  Ask yourself these 7 question BEFORE you allow your marriage to ripped to shreds by strife and deep seated anger. 

 

  • #1 - Is this a Battle Worth Fighting?  

    • Face Facts: You are NOT the “Relationship Police.”  You do not have to pull your mate over with sirens and flashing lights every time you think they have committed the slightest wrong. 

    • Avoid policing every move your spouse makes.  No one wants to live under that kind of scrutiny.

    • God’s mercy is brand new for you every morning so you should give your spouse Fresh Mercy Daily too.

 

  • #2 - Is There A Battle Raging In My Heart?

    • On the opposite extreme, there are people who have a “Fear of Confrontation.”

    • These people’s mouths may be silent, but often their hearts are raging.

    • Stored up hurts can result in resentment, bitterness, depression, anger, passive aggressive behavior, and even infidelity.

  • #3 - Why Do I Need to Be Right About This?  

    • Check yourself…is your EGO needing to be validated at any cost? 

    • Make sure you aren’t stepping on your mate’s self-esteem to make yourself feel taller.

    • Validation and affirmation from one’s mate is so important that sometimes when a person doesn’t have that approval, they passionately argue out of a heart of rejection.

 

  • #4 - Am I Doing What is Wrong in Order to Be Right?

    • If you are name calling, belittling, demeaning, emasculating, judging harshly, antagonizing, intimidating, raging, damaging, bashing, or anything that emotionally or physically attacks your mate, your facts may be right, but you are DEAD WRONG!!

    • If when you get angry, you threaten divorce, withholding sex, cheating, stopping financial support, or anything like that….YOU ARE WRONG!

  • #5 - Is this Argument Really a Camouflage for Something Else? 

    • Are you in the car arguing over the choice of a radio station, when what’s really bothering you is how overly friendly your mate was towards the waitress at dinner?

    • Don’t deflect about meaningless issues, it only makes your mate have a deaf ear to you when you speak about things that really do matter.

  • #6 - Are My Ears Open to Listen? 

    • Ears close when emotions run high

    • Ears close when voice tones elevate

    • Ears close when body language becomes disrespectful

    • Ears close when disagreements turn personal

    • Closed Ears will NEVER get you the outcomes you desire.  Avoid having the conversation until you have a cool head and open ears.

 

  • #7 - Am I Stating the Facts or Arguing My Experience? 

    • If you have facts, by all means state them and be sure to state the source, but most of the arguments people have are due to “Cultural Blindness.”

    • Cultural Blindness is not about race, it is about the culture of the most meaningful relationships and groups that have shaped your mindset, values and thinking.

 

Avoid aguing a perspective on something that actually has no real effect on your future success.

 

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