Tony and I went to see Black Panther this week for our weekly date day, and it was FANTASTIC. Definitely a wonderful add to Black History Month. Being a Relationship Expert, of course various relationships stood out to me - father-son, leader-community, etc. However, when Tony and I reflected on the movie, our conversation was dominated by the relationship between W'Kabi and Okoye, particulary regarding the scene above.
In this culture of “ride or die” where should mates draw the line? Affirmation and support are key ingredients for a healthy relationship, but relationships also require constant deaths in order to survive. Couples must constantly confront and kill the behaviors that violate the values, principles and standards of their relationship.
You must give your mate permission to humbly address instances where you are wrong. Your mate must feel safe to say, “I Iove you enough to kill your plans when they are illegal, place me in danger, are self-destructive or just plain wrong. I love you enough to shoot down your dreams when you are not being true to yourself and have not prioritized key persons, like God, your spouse or your children. I love you enough to place a knife in your ego when it is treating others badly and sabotaging your success.”
The confronted mate may choose to protect, resurrect, or place any of the above on life support, but once you have loved them correctly, you must choose to kill your own desire to control their response.
There are behaviors that shouldn’t live in a relationship: Don’t ask your mate to abandon their core values in order to align with yours. Don’t mute your mate when their motive is LOVE, not pain or control. Own your stuff and admit when you’re wrong. Don’t demand they ignore what’s right or legal for the sake of relationship with you.
Will you kill me, my love?
For LOVE...without a question!