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QOTD: The Dating Game

December 10, 2018

This post created lots of comments. Your responses in situations often is indicative of your own past experiences, woundings, and what you have been convinced to believe about the opposite sex or relationships as a whole. I, like you, will never know the truth, but I wanted to see the wide range of comments before giving my opinion. Here it is:

💜 I believe it was an honest mistake but the guy handled it very badly. Here’s why:
I don’t believe he wanted to embarrass her or himself in front of her friends...especially since there were guys in the group.
When he rushed through the door after returning back from the car, he looked around the restaurant quizzically for a second surprised he didn’t see her, but immediately ran to the counter to pay the bill.
After paying the bill he looked a bit embarrassed as he walked over to the group sitting down. They obviously told him she was in the restroom.
He went to her restroom and I didn’t see what happened outside the restroom door, but I did see something very important as he was walking back alone from the restroom (she was still inside). He was quietly blaming himself for his screw up, like someone would do if they missed an easy layup in a basketball game. He had no idea I saw him do that. I’m a relationship expert, I pay attention to body language and self talk.
As soon as his date finally came out of the restroom, he apologized and GUIDED her and her friend over to the bar, places his arm around her shoulders In a gentle consoling way and paid for drinks for her and it appeared he paid for her friend’s drink as well.

💜 I believe the lady’s response was appropriate. Here’s why:
She didn’t get loud, beat him up verbally, act with an attitude as she could have done. She simply took a couple steps backwards as if to say...”I’ll wait.”
She had a delayed reaction of embarrassment after he left the restaurant and I felt sorry for her and was hoping he would return and not just bail. I believe her feelings would have been less hurt if they were not in a group.
If this was a test I would have been even more upset!! A test of this kind would be indication of his own trust issues and his need to heal from the former takers of his past. This doesn’t mean he’s obligated to pay for the date, it means he’s obligated to uphold their personal agreement and expectation of THIS particular date. It was crystal clear he agreed to pay as he encouraged her spending while ordering.

💜 What’s My Point:
If you forget your card: BEFORE requesting help, think of how you can problem solve without placing your date in an uncomfortable financial position: cash app, Zelle, etc. If you have none of that, run like Forest to get your card!!

If your date forgets their card: BEFORE attacking their character and assuming the worse, offer them problem solving solutions. DO NOT pay unless you have their money successfully transferred to your account, feel comfortable that you’ll get your money back, or have decided you don’t care and will chalk it up as a lesson.

💜 To ALL:
I do realize that I gave you very limited information to base your decision on, but

 

 

when on a date, your responses are based ONLY on limited information at first. You have to be aware of your biases and wounds and use self discipline when responding.

There are good people who do stupid things. Consider your own mistakes and how you want to be treated, then offer the same grace you desire. On the other hand, there are people out there who are selfish gold diggers, con artists, takers, pre-madonna’s, narcissists, and dogs. Be wise and don’t be their next victim.

Love requires risks, courage and vulnerability. Dare to LOVE FEARLESSLY!!!


Love McPherson
Relationship Expert 

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